Epilogue

And that was it. We pursued our own paths and grew apart. Knight, my best friend and lover of two months, my deliverer of mediocrity, the catalyst to my growth, my ‘wery good fortune’, became a stranger to me. It’s okay. He taught me a lot. He made me realize my inner and outer beauty. He assured me of my intelligence. He pried ajar the tight lid that capped my potential. I hear of him now and then, but we had our time together. It was all that was meant to be. Magical and life-changing.

I got the job on the remote island where I lived without Internet, television or phone reception amongst 30 fellow staff members in shared-living quarters. Having been so removed from all the everyday distractions and subliminal expectations of familiar people, I turned inside out and met myself. I was actually surprised to discover that I’m a really loud, left-of-centre, energetic, spiritual, friendly, outspoken person! Or as my new friends endearingly phrased ‘socially-acceptably weird’. Who'd have thought!

My parents finally came to accept that I had stepped off their paved path and had seen for themselves that I was capable of making good choices. I made a decision and I made it work. They could hear the happiness in my voice on the phone and feel bounciness of my emails. It was still hard for them, especially for my father. Mum’s curiosity about my new lifestyle got the better of her and she visited me on the island. I no longer received doubtful emails after that.

My days were filled with ocean-themed craft activities with children, serving customers in the gift-shop, snorkeling amongst wild tropical creatures and exploring pristine coral reefs. Every day was closed with a breath-taking sunset and a midnight-dome of a star saturated sky. I lived with nature and reconnected with the true realities of the earth and spirit of the heart and mind…but eventually, as time wore on in my island life, I found myself getting restless and under-stimulated by my surroundings. I felt blessed to live in paradise but came to realize I still needed more. This life of simplistic hedonism wasn’t enough for me to have meaning…and then I had an epiphany. But that’s another story.

So…what’s yours?

Chapter Nineteen

Every day was perfect. Knight walked me through many ‘firsts’. My first night away from ‘adults’. My first wine cellar door (and then I became a true adult). My first shopping spree of finer taste (Knight dragged me into the change rooms and chucked clothes at me. ‘But I don’t wear dresses! Oh wow I look so good in a dress!’) My first load of laundry in a communal Laundromat (and my first load of laundry…but I didn’t tell him that…but I think he figured it out). My first hostel (the bathroom was gross). My first black out (Knight shoved his phone charger into the wall too forcibly and blew out the whole hostel. He threw me out of the room as flames and sparks danced from the electrical socket.) My first weirdo next-door neighbour (His name was Dunc. But I think he kept mispronouncing his name without the R.) We found an awesome camping store that priced everything below cost and he helped me pitch my first tent. Then we went on my first trek (I was so whiny!) and then my first hitch-hike! (AFTER the trek! Geez, I’m not that much of a princess!)

And in turn, I threw my arms out and went free falling into that mystical abyss of love. Oh, the sheer ecstasy. I had not experienced anything even close to it before; that catch in the throat when he called my name…the sly glance around the room to spot the envious glares…the melting sensation when his lips closed around mine and relished the soft, moist caress…the depth of his gaze penetrating my soul seeking to know me, craving to have me, aching to own me…and with the validation that comes with the love from another, I swelled with happiness as I felt myself grow into the person I always wanted to be...a seeker.

Then he received the email. We were in Apollo Bay when he got news from the NGO in Thailand. By then we had already been on the move for a month, in the self-indulgent routine of driving, cooking, eating, love-making and laughing.

‘They want me there in December, and I still want to go around Asia before I get to Thailand. I plan to leave in 2 weeks.’ He exhaled. ‘Man, that was harder to say than I thought.’ Gee, thanks, honey. I closed my eyes and shut my book. ‘I thought it was going to be easy to say bye to you…’ Gee, thanks, honey. ‘…that I could detach and get on with it…but it already hurts…’

And it did. It hurt so much. I felt like I was a cripple having my crutches snatched out from under me. How was I going to do anything without him? For the last month we barely left each others’ side. He’d leave for the bathroom for 3 minutes and I’d miss him. How could I…? Just how?

We returned to Melbourne and flew from there to Queensland. Knight was already in exit mode, distancing himself from me emotionally, but still habitually reaching for my hand. I felt his retreat but we both insisted we stay together for as long as he was in Australia. He brought me to his parents. They welcomed me with open arms into their house. The most beautiful house I’d ever seen. Built with their own hands, it was like a seed was planted into the ground and there grew a house. So organic. Raw timbers, large windows, ocean views and a luscious tropical garden. He showed me into his world. I fell deeper in love.

As he prepared for Thailand, I started job-hunting. I needed a plan for when he left too. I heard from one of Knight’s friends about a job on this island off Central Queensland on the Great Barrier Reef. Apparently it was some awesome spot for diving. Whatever. I wanted to focus on being with him. For days I grieved. But then…another strange sensation started creeping up on me. It was very unexpected, but I started feeling…excited! It took me a while but I finally realized why…I realized that once he left…I’d be alone. I was in Queensland, I was nowhere near family, I was void of friends…I was going to be properly alone…for the first time ever. No one had any obligations to look after me…I had to do it on my own. And it excited me! I was desolate that was he was leaving but ecstatic to be by myself. It was very emotionally confusing. It was all swirling within and around me with no definitive edges, shapes or lines. One minute I’d be laughing and kissing him, and then the next I’d be curled up in a corner inconsolable.

At the airport he was the last to board. We exchanged our last kiss, our last hug, our last ‘I love you’. Our final good-bye. The gate-attendant lady was kind enough to let him walk out of sight before she pushed the heavy door shut with a hiss. She pouted with sympathy and in a high-pitched baby voice asked, ‘where did he go, huh? Where did he go?’ Don’t patronize me, Bitch! I’m grieving! I wanted to shout, but instead I stammered, ‘H-h-he’s GONE! I’m n-n-never going to see him again! N-n-not the way I see him n-n-now!’

I staggered back to his car and sat at the wheel for hours. I cried oceans. Things were changing. I hoped of all hopes that the future Knight and Deb would meet again and pick up from where we left off and continue the magic…but I’d already seen how fast things changed. We were on our way to becoming different people. I rummaged through my bag to find some tissue and found a note. It was folded up roughly and looked like it had been torn out of a notebook.

Dearest Deb,

Thank you for all the love and happiness you gave me. You are so strong and so beautiful. Keep asking questions and go find yourself. There will always be a space for you in my heart. I will never forget you.

Love Knight

The car sat idle with my tears dripping onto the steering wheel for another hour. How? How? How what? I still didn’t know.

And then my phone rang. I wasn’t ready, but I picked it up anyway. I sniffed loudly as I answered.

‘Hello?’

‘Is this Debra Ly?’

What’s this about? ‘Uh huh, speaking.’

‘This is Celia calling from Lady Elliot Island. You applied for a position here on our Marine Park resort last week? Well, I was wondering if you’d be available to fly over for an interview? It’s a 20 minute flight, free of charge, back and forth.’

I blinked at the phone several times. I was being called for an interview for the one job I applied for…and I had to fly there? What?!

‘Hello? Debra? Are you still there?’

I wiped at my nose, still dripping with emotional snot. ‘Uh, sorry! Yes! I’m available anytime!’

‘Great, I’ll book you in for tomorrow at 8 o’clock in the morning then? I’ll book your flight back later in the evening so you can spend the day on the island and see how you feel. It’s tiny and really easy to explore. All good? We’ve already heard lovely things about you! Cool! See you tomorrow!’

I was stunned.

So, how? How do I say goodbye to the love of my life? By realizing that my life is not yet over.

Chapter Eighteen

Knight swirled his coffee at a café a few blocks down from his house. I had my head on the table. Knight pushed my latte towards me. It was getting cold. I couldn’t bear to be at home. I couldn’t handle my parents’ smugness at my failure to launch. Knight suggested a therapeutic Greek dinner and a movie night in.

Without looking up I pouted, ‘that’s not making it up to me.’

‘I know, but I’m craving olives. Cheer up, Darl. We’re just slightly delayed. That’s all.’ I nodded with my head still on the table. He chuckled and patted my hair. ‘After all of this with your parents and stuff…the thing that ends up holding us back is a bloody stolen package.’

Later at the restaurant a rain cloud had settled above my head. I picked at my food and barely paid attention to the conversation. During dinner I received more messages from friends saying bye and wishing us luck. After the 7^th message, I slammed down my fork sending vine-leaves across the room.

‘We’re leaving. Tomorrow afternoon. I don’t care about the gear. Something will come up. We’ll sleep in the bloody car if we need to. Let’s just GO. What do you reckon?’

With his cheeks full of marinated olives, Knight said, ‘Babe, if you jump, I’ll jump.’

…

By 2 o’clock the next day I was out of the house. My trunk was packed with hundreds of books, a war-time’s worth of canned food, my bulging backpack, extra pillows and blankets and a trembling mess of excitement. I waved from the car as I drove out. My sister waved back. Mum crossed her arms and shook her head. Didn’t know where Dad was.

I arrived at Knight’s place and stood at the gate. His house looked strange to me…all the doors and windows were free from their frames, the front yard led straight through the front door, down the hallway and into the backyard. There was no definitive barrier between house and garden. Interesting.

I found Knight in his room with his laptop. I was slightly disappointed as I had imagined him running out, throwing his bags into my boot shouting ‘go go GO!’

‘Hey, Babe. I just booked us in for a couple of nights in Daylesford at a heritage resort.’ Resort? What happened to roughing it? ‘I just thought we deserve something nice after everything.’

‘Wow! What a good idea. It’s like we’re on a honeymoon or something!’

Knight laughed, ‘if it were our honeymoon I would not be booking a room through Wotif.com the day of.’ I buzzed and bounced with excitement.

‘Let’s go!’

And we were off! Straight into peak hour traffic. Ugh! Let me just get out of here! We painstakingly squeezed through the constipation of Melbourne’s intestinal network. Let me through!

Finally, after 2 hours of brewing impatience, we expelled from the guts of grid-lock and entered the freeway. I whooped with joy and played beepity-beep with the car horn. The FREEWAY! The WAY to be FREE! I felt a hand squeeze my thigh. Knight and I grinned at each other as we flew down the wide, stretch of road. At last. The adventure begins.

Chapter Seventeen

Ten days to go:

‘How much money do you have?’

‘Dad, that’s my business. I’ve got enough.’

He pulled out a pen and paper to illustrate for me the impracticality of my plans. ‘You need 3 meals a day and a bed every night. Each meal is minimum $15. That’s $45 already gone per day. Extra expenditures, another $30 minimum per day. A room per night is minimum $60 per night. That’s already $135 per day, times that by 7 and that’s $945 a week. Then you’ve got fuel on top of that and that’s $50 a full tank. That’s $1000 a week. How much do you have?’ I stared into my breakfast bowl. I wasn’t going to let him and his numbers intimidate me.

‘We’re camping and backpacking. On a budget. I have enough.’ Dad stood up over me.

‘These numbers are the facts, Debra!’

‘No! The only fact is how much I have! All what you’ve said are your interpretations!’

Dad held up a threatening finger. ‘I will not lend you any money. You need to learn hard way of the absurdity of your actions.’ Indignantly, I poured myself some more milk.

9 days to go:

‘Debra…’ Mum started. I looked up from my sandwich. Why is it always when I’m eating?

‘You’re going to be in unfamiliar places with people you don’t know…’

‘Yeah, that’s the idea.’

‘And you’re going to be out of money…’ again, with the money. ‘…please don’t dance for it.’

‘What!’ I half laughed.

‘Oh, you laugh now. But people get desperate for money and do silly things. I don’t want you to think that because no one knows you there you will have the freedom to dance and strip for money…or even sell yourself for it.’

My jaw fell loose. A tomato slice dropped to my plate.

‘I just wanted to say that. Ok. I’ve said it.’ and she left the table. I chewed slowly.

8 days to go:

‘Debra…’ this time I was watching TV. ‘Really, you’ve got to think about your integrity. It’s already bad enough that you’re running away with this boy you’ve just met. Your cousins and aunties all think your father and I are bad parents for letting you go-‘

‘You’re not ‘letting me go’. I’m just ‘going’ and you can’t stop me.’

‘-so for you to become a dancer-‘ her voice was wavering and I was getting angry.

‘Is that what you think of me?’ I snapped. ‘Is that how you think you raised me?’ Mum started to say something but I cut her off.

‘You think I’m going to STRIP for money? You don’t think that I have the ability to get a proper job if it comes to it? You think I’m INCAPABLE?’ my voice grew louder and I rose to my feet. ‘Is that what you think of me?’

Mum sputtered and started back-pedaling. ‘No, no I didn’t mean that you would. I just wanted to at least say something so you know it’s unacceptable!’

‘Who do you think I am!’ I raged. I wanted to continue shouting, demanding what had I ever done to deserve such credentials from my own mother. My eyes brimmed with tears of fury. ‘Whatever. We’re not having this argument. It’s ridiculous and embarrassing for both of us.’ I held Mum’s gaze to let her see my hurt and anger then retreated to my room.

Five days to go:

‘Debra. You’re too romantic.’ Mum broke the silence. I crossed my arms and huffed through my nostrils. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I called on my Zen patience to get me through whatever nonsense she had to say. ‘I’m afraid that you’re thinking that this Knight boy is going to be ‘the One’. He could break your heart. What if you guys get into a fight along the way and break up? And you’re stuck in the middle of the country? How are you guys going to figure things out then? You can’t get away from each other!’

The bloody ‘what-ifs’. Everyone always focused on the worst possible ‘what-if’ scenarios. Sure they can happen…with that attitude.

‘What if we get along? What if we have the time of our lives and fall in love?’ I icily challenged. ‘I’m prepared to take the risk, Mum. There’s an equal chance of anything happening. I’d rather risk being unhappy travelling with Knight than stick around and KNOW I’ll be unhappy here. I’ve got nothing to lose.’ We were both surprised at my calm. It settled me in my confidence and unnerved Mum.

Four days to go:

In the sanctuary of my room, I laid out all the things I was preparing to leave with. My clothes were neatly sectioned into different categories. Short sleeve, long sleeve. Pants, shorts. Warm clothing. Light clothing. Ventilated clothing. Rain-proof clothing. Quick-dry clothing. Pajamas. Underwear. I pinched my chin. Was it too much? Then I turned my attention to the floor where I had all my ‘hard’ camping stuff. My big-ass backpack, compact cooking pots, utensils to eat with, compass, Swiss army knife, the little burning-thingy to screw on top of the gas-thingy, the gas-thingy, some other recommended shiny thingies I bought at the camping store… I frowned. I was out of my depth.

There was a knock on the door. I tensed up. Aunty Jenny peeped in. I jumped in surprise.

‘What are you doing here?’ I went to hug and kiss her hello. Aunty Jenny was my favourite of all the Aunties.

‘Oh, you know… just thought I’d drop by and see how you were going…’ her unnatural manner gave the game away.

‘Dad called you over.’ She nervously paced my room, touching random things, pretending to inspect them.

‘No! Why can’t I drive an hour and ten minutes across town to see my favourite niece?’ I raised an eyebrow.

She let out a defeated sigh and sat on my bed. ‘Alright, busted. Just tell me what’s on your mind. I’m not taking sides. I’m here to listen.’

To my amazement, she actually did. My most talkative Aunty stayed silent the whole time I spoke. And I was surprised at what I chose to talk about. I didn’t whinge about my unhappiness. I didn’t rage on about my parents. I didn’t even gush about Knight. My soliloquy was about ME and discovering MYSELF. How am I supposed to figure out anything if I’m constantly surrounded by people telling me what to do and what I should do? How am I meant to challenge and surprise myself if I’m told everything that comes around the corner? How can I possibly grow if I’m stimulated by the same surroundings, the same people and the same perspectives? When I finished, Aunty Jenny reached for the tissue box. She was crying. I was confused.

‘I was exactly like you when I was your age, but I took the path your fa-‘ she caught herself, ‘-everyone else chose for me. It’s a good life. It’s stable. But none of it was MY choice.’ She sniffed. ‘Go. You have to.’

She hugged me tight and wished me all the best. On her way out of the house I heard her snap something at her brother in their mother tongue and slammed the door on her way out.

Three days to go:

You won’t believe this. the post office can’t find my package!

Knight’s tent, backpack, boots and sleeping bag were sent down by his mum from Queensland a week ago and were nowhere to be found. I called Knight.

‘What does that mean then?’

‘It’s a registered package, but they can’t find it. Apparently it was scanned in a few days ago at the post office and put into the delivery van. Since then…nobody knows…’

‘How essential is it to have them?’

‘If we want to go camping they’re pretty essential…’

‘So... we’ll just keep our fingers crossed?’

‘Don’t worry, babe. We still have a few days left. It might show up.’

Two days to go:

Deb and Knight’s farewell party.

‘Wow, Deb! That’s your new boyfriend? He’s hot.’

‘What! He’s heading to Thailand!? My dream! He’s the ONE!’

‘Deb, I sure hope you’re making the right decision. You’re pretty damn crazy for doing this…’

‘You’re going to have so much fun! I was chatting to Knight before and he’s so into you.’

No package.

One day to go:

6 SMSs of well-wishes from friends. No package.

Date of departure:

‘I’m sorry, babe. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.’

Chapter Sixteen

Knight and I both stared at the message. We looked up and stared at each other. I laughed. I laughed and laughed. I fell onto his chest in stitches of laughter. I was shuddering at the sheer absurdity and miracle of it. Tears streamed my down my face as I grinned from ear to ear. Knight pulled back and held my face in his hands. I stopped laughing.

‘Will you be my girl?’ I gaped in shock. ‘I like you too much. We’ll be travelling together and yes, I’ll be going to Thailand soon but it feels right to be together for now. If I miss you too much I’ll bring you over to Thailand. What do you reckon? Will you be my girl?’

Knight had a persistent habit of rendering me speechless. I stood silent still with tear-stains down my face and cheeks squished up against his hands. He was formally asking me to be his girlfriend. No one did that these days. People just hooked up and snow balled from there with no labels, grey-area and an abundance of unwritten rules. But, why did I feel so…reluctant? I was pretty sure I felt as strongly as he did. I looked away and wiped at the tears, embarrassed at my constant display of vulnerability. Perhaps that was it. I didn’t like feeling vulnerable. I was torn. He was leaving in three months. What was the point?

‘Deb, let’s live in the present,’ Why was he always reading my mind? ‘It feels good to be together now, doesn’t it?’ I looked down at my phone and fiddled with it nervously. It did. It felt wonderful. I was backing of the message and saw another message sent on the same date: it was Bonnie’s dream message! I broke into a smile.

‘Argh, Deb, you’re killing me here.’

I grinned. ‘You love it.’

I started to pull away but Knight grabbed my hand and pulled me back, pressing me against him. His hands held my waist. He touched his nose to mine. He touched his forehead to mine. My hands found their way up to his face, unsure what to do and wishing for him to do it. He grazed his soft lips against mine and I felt the tickle of his beard. He inhaled, consuming my essence.

He groaned. ‘I told myself that I wouldn’t fall for anyone. I’ve got stuff to do.’ He stepped away from me. I felt naked. ‘You probably won’t want me as a boyfriend…but I want to be. Like, really want to be.’

The world went quiet. Together we stood in a deafening orb of silence. ‘I’m falling. I don’t know why. You just make me feel so positive. I can’t figure it out. You just do.’ My heart sprouted wings, floated up to my brain and quashed any doubt in my mind.

Barely audible, I whispered, ‘yes’. He reached out for my hands and brought us together. He towered over me but I felt elevated to his level. I could feel his green eyes roam my face and into my soul.

Finally, his lips closed perfectly around mine. He absorbed me and breathed life into me.

Knight grinned. ‘Oh, it feels so good to kiss someone and mean it!’ He kissed me again. Hard.

…

Lets go get lost. We will have our silly dreams together. It’ll not always be easy but we will feel alive, breathe in this world and drink the stars. You’re so beautiful xox

I had a boyfriend. He had a girlfriend. I was Knight’s girlfriend. Wow. Who’d have thought? A month ago this would have been inconceivable. Since meeting Knight, the world I knew was rapidly evolving into more interesting colours and shapes. Who knew what would come next?

Chapter Fifteen

A 70 litre, state-of-the-art backpack, a pair of hiking boots, an outdoor cooking set, a weather proof jacket, and a set of synthetic outdoor clothing (including a pair of natural-fiber, breathable ‘camping’ undies) later, my savings card was visibly shaking. I patted the poor thing and slotted it into the ATM machine to assess the damage.

‘Oh, man’ I groaned.

‘Everything OK?’

‘It all adds up, doesn’t it…and subtracts bloody heaps.’ I rubbed my forehead with concern. I hadn’t even taken off and money was already an issue. Why, oh WHY did I listen to Dad and invest so much into shares? I tapped my temple, brainstorming any unclaimed money of mine. Friends? No, they never borrowed money from me. Vivian? No, she never borrows from me either. Government?

‘Oh yeah! I haven’t claimed my tax return! That should fund me a little bit.’ I sniffed, ‘So much for ‘Good Fortune on August 25^th.’

‘What?’

‘This happened ages ago…like in May when I was still tour guiding with my parents. I was at the Vic Markets waiting for my tour group to come back, so I was killing time on a bench reading a book. This Indian man just came up to me and said that I’ve got a lucky face. Turns out he was a fortune-teller. It was interesting and I heard him out. He said stuff like, ‘life has been wery good to you, but you still looking wery hard to be happy, is it like that?’ and it was! And then he took out small pieces of paper and started scribbling stuff. I couldn’t see what he wrote ‘coz he scrunched it up quickly and pushed it into my hand. He asked me what my year of birth was and pointed to my hand. Low and behold it revealed 1986! He did it again and again with different pieces of paper and different questions. All the answers he’d already written down before and put into my hand. It was amazing! Then he wrote down August 25^th.’

Knight raised his eyebrows. He looked interested but unconvinced.

I continued in an awful Indian accent, ‘‘On this date, wery good fortune vill come to you. Wery, wery good fortune.’ So naturally I thought of money and was like, ‘Oh, that’s about tax return time. I’ll probably lodge my claim early and get it on that date.’ He was still all ‘When it comes- you remember my face’ He even gave me a small white gem, ‘remember this stone. Remember August 25^th. Remember my face.’’ I paused for a bit, where did I put that stone? ‘Well, so much for that. I still haven’t lodged my claim thingy.’

‘Hmm…interesting. When was August 25^th? Can’t have been too long ago.’ Knight checked the date on his phone. ‘It’s mid-September now.’

‘Yeah, so it was late last month…Hey! I met you late last mon-’ My eyes bulged and my heart flipped. I dove for my phone and scrolled through my inbox and found Knight’s first message to me. The message that started it all.

You tell me when you want to go. If we take your car, I’ll pay for fuel. Let’s do it! It’ll be an adventure J

Date sent: August 25^th

Chapter Fourteen

I didn’t tell Knight what happened. He asked but I sidestepped it. I didn’t want him to worry. He’d done enough for me and it was my battle to fight now. I made up my mind and that was all he needed to know.

‘Oh, I forgot to tell you, I’ve finally heard from the NGO in Thailand.’ Knight and I were spread out on the grassy slant in the Royal Botanical Gardens. I loved these gardens. So immaculately maintained without being excessively manicured. I was on my back with my hands behind my head and Knight was positioned perpendicular to me, using my stomach as a pillow.

‘Ah yeah, what did they say?’

‘They said they want me there around January. But before that I want to travel around Asia for a month.’

‘What are you doing there exactly?’ I realized, after all this time, I still had no idea what he was going to do over there. I’d been so caught up with this whole running away business.

‘I haven’t told you? I think I’m heading over there to help develop a micro-business so that the organization is more sustainable and doesn’t have to rely so much on donations.’

‘Wow. What does the organization do?’

‘This one’s doing rural development. Going out in the poor villages and setting up wells and stuff. But I want to see if I can help them tackle it from a business point of view…get the villagers working in micro-businesses to generate more money for themselves…something like that.’

‘That sounds intense.’ I found myself frowning, trying to comprehend Knight’s ambition.

‘Mmm, it is. I feel like I need to do something. I feel like I’ve got to do this. I could be just over there to paint fences. I don’t know. Just something.’ I wanted to ask more…but wasn’t sure what to ask. I didn’t know enough about third-world devastation, NGOs, or the inner-workings of this curious man’s mind to phrase the appropriate questions. Gosh, where did he get all this…sense of duty? January…I bit my bottom lip calculating the months I had left with him.

‘So you’ll be in Oz for only 3 more months?’ That’s not long at all. I felt my heart sink.

‘Don’t worry, we’ll be spending all of it together.’ He reached out for my hand. He kissed my fingers and held them to his chest. I stroked his hair with my other hand. ‘Ever feel like we’re in a movie? A movie that has already been scripted and plotted but neither of us have rehearsed or even seen the screenplay?’

‘That’s how screenplays and scripts are written, aren’t they? They’re inspired by real life.’

‘Mmm,’ Knight agreed, ‘True. I wonder what will happen in our movie.’ He sat up and repositioned himself next to me, propped up on his elbow. ‘We might get lost, meet some weirdos…maybe fall in love…’ He held his gaze. Did he really just suggest the ‘L’ word? I looked away. I felt like I was jumping again into romance too soon. The last guy I dated was out of desperation; I was needy for company and hoped for ‘love’ to transpire. Are my parents right? Was I doing the same thing?

‘Deb, how would you feel if you gave in to your parents and stayed?’

I sighed and looked up at the clouds. ‘Like crap.’ I sighed again. ‘If I stayed all this effort would’ve gone to waste.’

He re-phrased his question. ‘Take away your parents, take away me, take away everything. If you didn’t go, how would you feel?’

I closed my eyes. How would I feel? ‘I’d feel like I missed an opportunity. I’ve been so discontent with how things are and if I don’t seize the moment now, I’ll feel the door will have closed and I might not have the courage again to fight my way out. Especially on my own.’ Knight hummed in agreement. He rolled on to his back and imitated my position with his hands behind his head.

‘Knight?’

‘Mmmm?’

‘I don’t have any camping gear. Let’s go shopping’.

Chapter Thirteen

When I arrived home I was relieved to see that my parents had already retreated to their bedroom for the night. I had such a lovely time after Yum Cha that I didn’t want them to ruin it just yet.

There was light glowing from the crack of Vivian’s bedroom door. I floated into her room and draped myself over the foot of her bed.

She put her laptop aside, ‘Gee, thanks for bailing. I sure had a shit time dealing with Mum and Dad about your issues.’

I smiled dreamily, ‘Thanks.’ I reached out and stroked her hair. ‘You’re a good sister. I love you.’ I purred. I was suspended in such a wonderful calm.

‘You’re crazy.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Just so you know, it’s not going to be fun tomorrow.’

‘I don’t think I care…’ I had other things on my mind. Like the subtle intensity between me and Knight. The affection. The connection. The comfort. The excitement. I climbed into bed with my little sister with a dopey smile and drifted easily into a deep, dreamless sleep.

…

The next morning I woke to an early text from Knight:

I can’t stop thinking about yesterday. I had a fantastic time with you. I felt there was a moment where something clicked between us. Hope everything is okay with your parents. Good luck J

I smiled and stretched. I felt my chest elate with happiness. So surreal. Vivian stirred next to me. Whoops. I forgot I was with her. I slid out of bed and tip-toed out. When I opened her door I was smacked in the face with the tension in the house. The air’s viscosity was so dense that I had to swim into my bedroom and force the door shut. I could hear my parents going about their morning routine, waiting for me to come out…

I took refuge in my room, trying to make as little sound as possible to make them think I was still sleeping. And then I got hungry. And thirsty. And a little bored. And I needed to pee. Ugh. We humans are so fallible. My phone went off. Another message.

Deb, u r so strong. Stronger than u think. You can do this. I believe in u.

Pcssh. I’m glad someone does. Man, his timing is impeccable. It was like he was always over my shoulder with exactly the right thing to say all the time.

I stepped out tentatively, used the bathroom and made my way to the kitchen. Mum and dad were there at the table finishing off their breakfast. My appetite was gone.

Dad motioned for me to join them. ‘We don’t think the boy’s a conman. He’s honest and we believe his story.’

But…

‘But we’d still rather you don’t travel with him. He is, after all, a young man and we all know what they want.’

Mum piped in, ‘Did you hear what he said at the table? He wants to be there as a ‘friend’. He has no intentions of making you his girlfriend. He just wants to have fun.’

‘We think he’s an opportunist who has found himself a free ride home to Queensland with a beautiful, young girl who he’ll share a LOT of alone time with.’

I remained silent. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Knight said he wanted to protect me, but Mum chose not to acknowledge that.

Dad continued. ‘If you want to travel, travel alone. That way you’ll realize how bad this world is and you’ll come home within two weeks.’

WHAT? Two weeks? That’s how long he thinks I’ll last? How bad this world is? He’s trying to scare me? Does he not think that I’ve stepped out these doors before? He’s trying to convince me that I’m pathetic?! I balled my fists and my gritted teeth:

‘First of all, yes, we are friends. If we stay that way, it’s fine. I’m not looking for romance. I just want to get away and he’s helping me do that. Secondly, NO he’s not getting a free ride. And thirdly, it doesn’t matter in the end if he’s with me or not because I’m not afraid of this world! I’m not a dumb, little, helpless girl! You like to think I am but I’m not! It’s great to know that you have that much confidence that I’ll survive only two weeks without you. Goes to show the credit you give yourselves as parents!’ I breathed heavily as I glared at them through watery eyes. I bit my lip. I was trembling.

‘It’s unrealistic! All of it!’ Dad slammed both hands on the table and shot to his feet. It was rare for him to yell. It was so scary. ‘You’re running away with a stranger you met on the street! You know nothing about him! You’re lonely and you think this is a romantic fantasy! Fantasy does not exist! This is Real Life! If you leave with him… you are a stupid, little girl!’

I couldn’t breathe. The emotions of grief and fury whirled around me. Suffocating me. I didn’t want to, but I did. I cried. I wailed. Just like the stupid, little girl Dad thought me to be. I ran to my room and cried. I cried and I cried. I was too engrossed in my tears to hear my parents arguing.

I was still trying to calm myself down when there was a soft knock on the door. Mum let herself in and pulled me into her arms. I let her. I could never reject Mum’s rare hugs.

‘Debra, it hurts me to see you like this. I didn’t think your father would get so mad. I’m sorry. We just want you to be safe.’ She pulled me in closer and held me for a while longer. She continued, ‘Please understand we need you here. You’re the glue of the family. If you weren’t here for us, how would we communicate? You’ve seen how we function. We can’t do it without you…’ I didn’t want to fight anymore. She was trying to make me feel important…but it felt so insignificant. I shuddered deeper into her shoulder. She sighed. ‘Go.’ My puffy-eyes flew open. ‘I’m not happy about it, but if it will make you happy, go. Come back when you run out of money. Just make sure you stay safe and call home every day. This is your home no matter what, okay?’ …What? I nodded weakly against her shoulder drenched with my tears.

Dad didn’t talk to me much after that. He communicated with me via series of grunts and scribbled notes left on my bed. He was trying to protect me, I understood that. But his efforts were inducing the opposite effect. He didn’t realize that he was dealing with a wet bar of soap. The tighter he squeezed, the more likely I was to slip out of his grip.

Chapter Twelve

Before we entered the house, Knight warned me that the house was a big smelly mess being occupied by two men and a pride of cats.

I hesitated, ‘Um…I’m allergic to cats.’ I grinned apologetically and shrugged. What? I can’t help it. Knight frowned and told me to wait on the porch. He sat me down and disappeared inside. For the next ten minutes there was a muffled cacophony of thumping, cats meowing, swearing, doors slamming, rustling papers, and smacking cushions. Knight returned to the porch flushed and gleaming with effort.

‘Quick!’ he panted, ‘Get in before the cats come round the front.’ He shepherded me in and secured the door behind us. Sure enough the house did smell like cats. I looked around at the old-fashioned mismatched furnishings. I snuck a peek through a door left slightly ajar and caught sight of a pile of random items that had been unceremoniously thrown in. ‘Yeah, hope you didn’t expect too much. We’re renting off my housemate’s crazy old aunt. The cats came with the house.’ Crazy Aunts and cats: classic. Despite the smell, I liked it. I always found anglo houses interesting. The rose-print crockery, the English-style embroidered doilies. It was so foreign to me.

Knight led me to the kitchen and started scouting for ingredients to cook up a storm. I sat down to watch him work. ‘What do you think you’re doing? You’re helping.’

‘Oh gosh. Are you sure? I’m not exactly ‘domesticated’...’ I sidled into the kitchen space and tenderly took whatever Knight handed to me from the fridge to put on to the counter.

To prove it, I told him a story: ‘There was this one time in high school when I woke up before the family to study-‘

‘To study?’

‘Shut up! I concentrated better in the morning. Anyway, for breakfast I wanted to grill some bread rolls. We had one of those really ooooold gas stove-thingies where you need a clicky-gun. So, I turned the gas on high and clicked and clicked and clicked...and kept on clicking... And then POOF! Flames were jumping out from every crevice of the stove and licking up my pajama top!’ I motioned with my hands and arms to imitate the fire. ‘I had to do this Matrix-style back bend to avoid the flames reaching my face.’ Knight stopped chopping the ginger and stared at me with a slack jaw. ‘I had to run for the fire extinguisher and blast half the kitchen!’ I laughed at the memory.

‘Right…I’ll handle the stove work then.’ I assured him it was a one-off event and I had been successful with other attempts. Like toast. In the toaster.

Knight put together a Western slash Eastern style chicken Tom Yum soup. I tried being of use. He handed me the knife but quickly reclaimed it when I nearly sliced off my finger tips. We sat down with our dishes and a fresh bottle of wine Knight opened. As we ate Knight happily chatted about his childhood camping experiences with his dad. He had such a different upbringing to mine. As I listened, I became aware of some warm pressure at the top of my feet. I briefly glimpsed under the table to see if a cat had snuck back into the house. It was Knight’s feet!

‘You’re really affectionate, hey?’

Knight smiled apologetically, ‘too much?’ feet withdrawing.

‘No no!’ I said quickly, not wanting to discourage him. ‘My family’s just not very touchy. I’ve been trained not to have ‘naughty hands and feet’’.

‘I can think of some naughtier things.’ He winked. I blushed. ‘Want to see my pictures of India? I lost most of them- stupid camera. But, meh’ he shrugged, ‘shit happens.’

I sat down on the couch and made myself comfortable. Knight went one-up and brought out his doona and tucked the both of us in. I was slightly nervous. Were we already at that stage of sharing body heat? It took me a few minutes to properly tune in to Knight’s tales of his soul-searching motorbike trek through India. We were under a blanket! Together!

‘I think India helped me develop my intuition.’ He said as he flicked through the beautiful photos of glimmering temples, coloured flags and gorgeous women in Saris. ‘You have to be smart and cautious but flexible at the same time when travelling in general, but in India you have to turn your instincts up full volume. There was this one night when I met these two English girls-‘

‘Did you score?’

Knight scoffed, ‘I should’ve! But India’s not the place to get laid.’ I appreciated the honesty. ‘Anyway, I walked them back to their backpackers after dinner and left them at the end of the street and kept going my way, but something said turn back. I kept walking but the voice was louder saying turn back. So I turned back and I heard from a distance ‘get away!’ I started running and there were the girls being harassed by a couple of Indian guys.’

‘So you do normally rescue girls!’ Knight tackled my ribs.

‘Anyway, Dad told me before I left that Indians are easily intimidated. You just have you show no fear. So I walked up to them and was like ‘Hey guys! What’s going on?’ I had smiles all round. No one said anything. Then I was like ‘Aren’t you girls meant to be at your hostel?’ and the girls just ran for it.’

‘They must’ve been so scared.’

‘Yeah, they were. These guys were spooky. So then I turned to the Indians and puffed my chest out at them, ‘What’s going on, huh?’ and they amazingly just backed off.’

I blinked a few times to comprehend the intensity of his experience. ‘Knight, that could’ve ended so badly!’

He nodded. ‘But my dad gave me wise words. If he didn’t say that I wouldn’t have known what to do.’ I saw his eyes glaze over in reflection. I loved his stories. He was so much older than me despite our 3 week age gap. I envied his life experience and felt anxious to start collecting stories of my own.

‘You know, it happened again recently.’ He looked at me meaningfully. ‘I heard the voice again. I walked past the chocolate boutique and saw the ‘hiring now’ sign, but I kept walking. I didn’t even need a job but the voice made me go back and apply.’ He nudged me gently with his shoulder, ‘and now I’m here with you.’

‘Another damsel in distress.’ He looked at me. I fell into his eyes. My heart-beat flickered.

Knight leaned in. I leaned back as a reflex. He saw my reaction and looked a little hurt. I didn’t mean to. I guess I was still being cautious. He looked behind him and pulled out something from his back pocket.

‘I got you something.’ It was a Swiss army pocketknife. ‘For our trip.’

‘I-’ I was so surprised! ‘I didn’t get you anything…’ I shook myself out of my stupor and leaned in. Despite my caution, I felt it appropriate to kiss his cheek at the very least. I let my face linger near his and then gave him a peck. He smelt so good. ‘Thank you! I’ve never used one of these before!’

Knight was silent. He seemed to be struggling with something. ‘It’s crazy. When I came to Melbourne I told myself that I wouldn’t fall for anyone-‘ he paused and took a breath. It came out in a rush. He looked like he just needed to say it. I froze. His words slid into my ears and danced around inside me…but I couldn’t move. ‘Our paths have crossed and I think we’re meant to walk the same road for a bit before going our own ways. I’m going to Thailand in a few months, so I won’t be around for long…’ he seemed torn. ‘I really want to be your boyfriend- but you wouldn’t want me as a boyfriend.’ I still couldn’t move. He was coming on strong. Silence blanketed us. Knight took my hands and held them against his lips. My head started to spin.

‘It’s getting late.’ He finally said. I felt…what did feel? I nodded. Knight lifted the doona off of us and we both felt the sudden cold. I wanted to crawl back under with him. Knight walked me to the door.

‘Thanks for the pocket knife.’ I searched for something clever to say. ‘This should assure my dad.’

He laughed, ‘Yeap, he’ll show you exactly how to use it’ he said, tapping his chest. He kissed my forehead, hugged me tight. He was so tall. My face fit snugly into his chest. We reluctantly said our goodbyes.

Chapter Eleven

We collapsed into my car. Simultaneously, we pulled on the recline lever and laid in stunned silence staring at the car ceiling.

‘I’ Knight announced, ‘am exhausted. That was intense.’

‘Holy crap…thank you.’

‘Anytime.’ He said with a dismissive wave.

‘No, seriously. Thank you.’ I felt my eyes water. ‘You just met my parents. And you didn’t just meet them, you challenged them. You barely know me and here you are fighting on my behalf…’ my eyes widened, trying to comprehend the surrealism of it all. How did this even start? As grateful as I was, I was suddenly suspicious. What was the meaning of all this? Why was I instilling so much trust in this stranger? Am I so desperate to be blinded by something- someONE- who could be ANYone?

‘Knight, who the hell do you think you are?’ I slapped my hand over my mouth.

Knight stayed silent for a moment and then turned on his side to face me.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘You know, Deb. I didn’t expect any of this.’ He grinned. ‘When I first suggested this road trip I thought it was going to be as easy as jumping in a car and just driving. Simple.’ He chuckled, obviously at his naivety. ‘That’s what I did when I was in India and Thailand. I just met people along the way and travelled with them.’

‘But once you realized that it was going to be hard, why did you push? Why are you pushing? Why are you going through all this for me? Who am I to you?’

Knight scrunched his face and scratched his beard. ‘Actually…I don’t know.’ I was surprised. He didn’t have an answer. He was leaping through fires and didn’t know why. ‘I guess…I just like you.’ My eyes snapped up and caught his eyes. Soft sincerity oozed out of his beautiful green gaze. I didn’t know what to say.

‘I don’t know,’ he seemed to be lost for words, ‘there’s something about you. When I’m around you I feel so…’ he searched for the right word, ’positive.’ I studied his face.

A low wheeze and grumble came from Knight. ‘Oh my gosh! You haven’t eaten properly!’ Dad kept him talking the whole time. The poor guy didn’t eat! ‘Let’s get out of here.’ He won me over. Who cares? He was making me happy.

Knight nodded rubbing his stomach. ‘I’ve got some stuff at home I need to cook before it goes bad. Lets go back to my place.’

‘First of all, you cook? And secondly, I’m not that kind of girl!’

Knight laughed, 'Deb, I just met your parents. I know you're not that kind of girl.'

Chapter Ten

‘What are your parents’ names again?’ Knight kept fiddling with the buttons of his shirt and straightening out his pants. He had his white and mustard striped ‘brave’ pants on. I smiled at him. He was human after all.

‘My sister is there, too.’

‘Yeah. Thanks. What’s her name again?’ Did his face colour just drop a shade? In a sadistic way, I found it comforting that Knight was so nervous; it made me feel less inadequate for wanting to implode into oblivion.

‘Did you bring your passport? Mum’s asked for 100 points of identification.’ Seriously, she did.

‘Yeap. Got’em.’ And sure enough, Knight pulled out his passport, driver’s license, Medicare card, and the names, phone number and address of his parents. Wow. This was an operation.

I parked the car, pulled the hand brake and killed the engine. I looked over at Knight.

‘Are you sure?’ My hands were still positioned on the hand brake and on the ignition, ready to take off again. Knight drew a breath.

‘It’ll make for a better story if I say yes, wouldn’t it?’ He grinned and got out of the car. I released my grip. This guy had balls.

Knight watched me jumble up my keys, make sure that the car was properly locked, adjust my clothes and hair, scratch off a bug from the windscreen and finally he stepped towards me, took my hand and led me to the restaurant. He laced his fingers through mine and gave it a comforting squeeze. Together we entered the belly of the dragon.

‘So, you do exist.’ My father said once we sat down after formalities. Dad and Knight had gripped each others’ hands in greeting with steely eye contact.

Knight laughed, ‘Of course I do.’ Only because I somehow dreamed you into life. And then it began.

‘Debra tells us that you’re from Queensland, what are you doing in Melbourne?’

‘I came down to help a friend with a business. He’s a fashion designer and is trying to launch his label here.’ Ah yes, the business partner and also his housemate and also his ‘boyfriend’. I smiled inwardly.

‘Then how can you just leave? Don’t you have a responsibility with this friend?’

Knight shrugged. ‘I jumped into it too soon. Turns out we’re not compatible as business partners. We tried and it didn’t work.’ Oh no! Knight immediately saw his mistake. ‘As in, there wasn’t enough discussion and communication about what each of us wanted.’ He glanced over at me. I wanted to reach out for his hand but couldn’t risk it. Oh gosh, what were we doing? Mum signaled for the waitress to stop with her cart of little Chinese dumplings. Soon enough our table was covered with steaming plates and bamboo trays of foods alien to Knight’s palette.

‘Have you ever tried chicken feet before?’ Dad challenged.

‘It’s really good’ I encouraged, seeing his hesitance.

Knight pulled a cheeky grin, ‘Is it going to run right through me?’

I laughed and I took a bite. Knight followed suit.

‘Mmm,’ He licked his lips, ‘Saucy.’ And spat out the phalanges. Why is he so relaxed?

‘Something bothers me,’ my father continued, taking a sip from his tea cup, ‘to walk away from a business shows lack of commitment. Do you know what it takes to build a successful business? The same amount of energy it takes to build a successful relationship.’ I glared at Dad. Dad glared at Knight. Knight glided over the attempted segue.

‘No, I know what it takes. I don’t know if Deb told you, but I owned a café back at home. It was tough!’ Dad forehead crinkled with skepticism.

‘Yes, she did tell me…’ and Dad proceeded to ask Knight left, right and centre about his café; the origins of his idea, his managerial approach, his staff, his product knowledge, his weekly turnover (which Knight avoided and talked about the loyalty of his customers), how much profit he made selling the business (which Knight avoided and talked about the handover).

‘Dad! Stop asking about money! That’s private.’ Dad, amazingly, eased off.

‘I can see where you’re concerned-‘

‘Oh, you don’t know the half of it.’

‘And money’s not an issue. I have enough so that Deb and I can travel safely and comfortably.’

Dad’s nostrils flared, ‘You’re paying for all of it?’ Gee, this is the first I’ve heard of this.

‘Well, not all of it. I’ve offered to pay for fuel and Deb can handle her part of food and accommodation. It’ll be split.’

‘Where do you plan to go exactly?’ Everyone turned to Vivian. It was the first time she’d spoken. Oh right, I haven’t even told Vivian my plans…I’d been spending all my spare time with Knight.

I answered this one, ‘We’re making our way up the East Coast. His parents live near Brisbane.’

‘Cool.’ She bobbed with approval and dipped her prawn dumpling into some chilli sauce. See? Why can’t it be as easy as that?

‘Knight. Do you not see how ridiculous this all is? You two have only just met!’

‘When she told us, we couldn’t believe her! And then she kept talking and talking about it!’ Mum finally spoke up.

‘How many girlfriends have you had?’ Oh my gosh.

‘I’ve only had one serious girlfriend-‘

‘But many non-serious girlfriends?’ Knight’s mouth gaped.

‘Dad!’ He ignored me.

‘Where do you fit into all of this? What are your intentions? Why do you want to take our daughter away?’

The million-dollar question. My whole family, including myself, leaned in with anticipation. Why is he going through this for me?

Knight was taken aback but recovered quickly. He squared his shoulders and cleared his throat.

‘I want to be Deb’s friend. From what she’s told me, she’s inexperienced with travelling. I want to be there to offer her protection.’ My heart melted.

‘What if it’s from YOU she needs protection?’ Knight didn’t even blink.

‘I promise, I’m no danger. Look, Deb’s a beautiful girl. I can see where you’re worried. But she’s also a smart girl and she can judge for herself what kind of person I am. She’s going to be the driver and it’s her car, so it’s going to be her call. If she wants to kick me out at any point, that’s fine. I can find my way home.’ I looked around expecting the whole restaurant to give a standing ovation. Dad was in his signature pose with his hands clasped, elbows on the table. His expression unreadable. He was not backing down.

‘So you want to travel?’

‘I do. I enjoy it.’

‘Then do it on your own. I did it years ago when I backpacked in North America. It’s much more fulfilling. No compromises. No restrictions. More freedom.’ I sat up, my eyes blazed. ‘You need to travel to gain life experience. You’re an energetic young man, you should go. By yourself.’

‘WHAT!’ Some customers looked over. I was trembling in my seat. Tears of anger brimmed. I felt the heat in my face. Why have those words never been directed at ME?

Vivian spoke for me, ‘Dad! Are you serious? You’re encouraging Knight but not Debra?’

‘Knight is not my daughter.’ Dad snapped. I wanted so badly to jump up on the table and stomp on every bowl, plate and squish every dumpling. I wanted to pull down the stupid, overly-ornate chandelier down from the tacky mirrored ceiling and smash it into the lobster aquarium. I wanted to rage through the restaurant like Godzilla through Tokyo. It was so unfair! All these years Dad never even let me entertain the idea of travelling- let alone travelling alone! I dug my nails into my knees. I nearly drew blood. Then I felt a comforting hand over mine. Knight had reached out under the table cloth. His eyes were still on my parents.

‘I don’t want to be the cause of any further dispute. If it makes you feel any better, here are my parents’ details. Feel free to give them a call and have a chat. They’re lovely people.’ They’d have to be if they produced YOU. Knight pulled out the card and offered it across the table with two hands. It lingered. Oh please, just take it. Finally, Mum reached over and took it, assessed it, and slid it into her bag. Her mouth smiled, her eyes didn’t.

Yum Cha was over. As a group we stood up and said our civil goodbyes. Knight and I left quivering, clammy and out of breath. We looked like we just tumbled and squeezed through the intestines of a beast. And survived.

Chapter Nine

I had a great time today. By the way u passed. You looked beautiful ;)

Who does he think he is judging MY sense of dress? I grinned as I selected reply.

:) so did you

I was really starting to like this guy. But I didn’t want to take it too much to heart. I was all too familiar with the pursuit of men. It may still all be an elaborate tactic to get into my pants.

When are you free? I’d love to c u again.

I smiled. I loved how he kept wanting to see me. Gosh, he was fun. Logic said this was crazy. Intuition said it felt too good to deny. There was a new spring in my step.

‘You’re looking much happier now. See? Told you you’d get used to it.’ Whoops. Failed to update Mum on the goings-on. Of course when I first announced my leaving, she didn’t take me seriously. I sat mum down.

Mum listened in silence. When I finished she quietly muttered, ‘Oh…’

It didn’t take long for Mum to report to Dad.

‘Who is this Knight boy?’ Dad had his elbows on the table with his hands clasped in front of his mouth.

I told him as much as I knew. Which wasn’t that much. Which actually got me pretty worried too. Hmm…

‘He’s from Queensland…he’s my age…he owned a café…he’s funny?’ I flinched.

‘Has it occurred to you that he might be a conman?’ Dad tossed the newspaper at me. ‘Have you read the stories that happen to girls like you? He could be a bloody pimp taking you on as a girlfriend to make you fall in love with him and then make you prostitute yourself. He can lure you into the underworld blinding you with love. How can you be so stupid?’ He sneered.

I couldn’t hear any of it. I saw Knight as my way out of this mundane existence I called a life and I found myself refusing to believe that he had an iota of insincerity in him.

But the smart side of me did pipe up in a small voice of reason. I really didn’t know much about him.

…

‘Knight…’ I took a breath. We sat on milk crates with cushions in a café nearby his place. ‘We don’t know each other. My dad pointed out the dangers out there…how am I to know the good guys from the bad?’ I studied his face.

He thought for a bit. ‘You know, I’ve known you only for as long as you’ve known me. That’s like, what, a week and a half? How do I know you’re not…’ he dug for an example, ‘an organ harvester?’ My jaw dropped. ‘I hear you Asians are reaping it on the Black market.’ He folded his arms with a raised eyebrow of suspicion.

I retorted, ‘‘twas you who propositioned me.’

‘True.’ He paused. Something was ticking. He was a loud thinker. He had the type of mind that could be heard from across the room. ‘How about I meet them?’

The light fitting came crashing down on our table. It didn’t. But it should have.

‘My parents?’

‘Nah, my parents. Of course, your parents!’

Who the hell was this guy? Don’t men usually cower and shit their daks at the realization that a girl even HAS parents?

‘I’ve got nothing to hide.’ He said with a casual shrug. ‘I think it’s quite flattering they don’t believe my story. It’s pretty out there, hey?’ The ceiling opened up and a radiant beam of light shone down on Knight, revealing a glowing halo.

I pitched the idea to my parents who received the offer with glowering, prejudiced hatred. So, a meeting was organized. My parents chose a traditional Chinese restaurant of inconvenience for Knight to challenge his determination as well as his cultural flexibility. He had to catch a tram and a train, and then meet me at the local train station to drive him the rest of the way. I was so anxious. So much could go wrong.

Don’t worry. We’re kind of a team now. We’re doing this together =)

He was meeting my parents and he was reassuring me? What?

On the day of the dreaded congregation, I called him about 15 minutes before the time of his due arrival at the station.

The number you have dialed is currently switched off or unavailable…

My heart stopped. Oh no. It can’t be. Shit. He backed out. But he said… ah FUCK! He was all talk and no action! My family was already at the restaurant waiting! What was I going to say? How was I going to face them without him? Excuses started to run through my mind: he fell down the stairs in a rush to get out that morning and broke his leg and is now dragging himself to hospital as we speak; there was an unexpected death and he was called to identify the body; he walked into a wood chipper thinking it was the train to get here… I could feel my stomach turn itself inside out. I tried his number again.

The number you hav-

Damnit! What the hell happened? Shit, shit SHIT. I was too quick to trust him! Everyone was right. FUCK. I feverishly paced around in circles trying to figure out plan B. Maybe as the train pulls up it’ll still be fast enough to do some damage if I threw myself in front of it… Just as I was calculating the leap, my phone vibrated.

‘Hey, I just got out of the tunnels. Shouldn’t be too long now, right?’

A tsunami of relief hit me. Of course! I turned red with embarrassment and smacked my forehead. The train passed through the underground tunnels en route where all phone reception cut off.

‘You scared the bloody crap out of me! I couldn’t get through before! I thought you weren’t coming!’

Knight laughed. His ringing voice calmed me down. ‘No way would I miss this! See you soon.’

My heart returned to its normal rate as my faith in Knight was restored. And then it quickened again. Oh gosh. In less than 10 minutes a metro white boy was going to meet my Asian parents. I broke into a cold sweat. Oh shit.

Chapter Eight

NUTS! I’m late I’m late I’m late! I set out of the house early but I’d never been to this café and didn’t realize how out of the way it was. I had already pulled over 4 times to check the Melway and had only 5 minutes till the agreed meeting time. As I was trying to relocate my bearings, my phone went off.

Sorry sorry! im running late! just got into a taxi I’ll b there soon!

Phew! That bought me time. I flipped the map around again. Damn it! Which way is North and WHY is it relevant to this café?

20 minutes later I finally found the café. Of course, all I had to do was make a U-turn and turn left down one street from where I was. Boy, how was I going to navigate us around Australia? I rushed into the café hoping that the taxi got lost t-

‘Hey Deb.’

Damn!

There he was, sipping at his coffee. Before he said anything I started doing a song and dance about how the roads kept changing and North was nowhere to be found. Knight just waited me out with a grin.

‘Want a coffee?’ I sat down sheepishly and ordered a latte. I looked around the café. It was very cute. It was a simple set up that was attached to a gallery. The furnishings were homely with rounded, polished wood. On the walls were endearing pieces of artwork supplied by children from the local primary school that was in association with the gallery. Knight had chosen to sit out on the verandah that resembled a glasshouse connected to the main dining area. I was very happy with my workmate’s recommendation.

Knight looked good. He looked relaxed and stylish with his button-up shirt, skinny tie and pullover jumper. I glanced down at what I was wearing. I changed about 3 times before I opted for an all black outfit of skinny jeans and an off-shoulder slouch long-sleeve top. I normally didn’t care what I wore. As long as I was comfortable, I was right to go. But I somewhat felt like I had to impress Knight.

We ordered our food from a yummy sounding menu and started chatting. It was a blur of words and laughter. Story swapping, jokes, opinions…it was like we’d known each other for years. It was comfortable but invigorating at the same time.

‘So, does your boyfriend know that you’re here with me?’

I raised an eyebrow, ‘Yeah, and he’s cool with me travelling with you. Alone. Just the two of us.’

‘Wow, what an understanding guy.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘We broke up remember? Not that we were together in the first place…’ my voice trailed off. What a stupid grey-area relationship that was. ‘How about you? What’s your status?’

‘See…I’m not gay…but I have a boyfriend.’ There was a pause of stunned silence.

‘What??’

‘My housemate is gay and thinks I’m his boyfriend. It’s great! If he was a chick- I’d marry him. He does my washing, cooks for me, tidies after me…and he’s a great alarm clock. He comes into my room in the morning, sneaks into my bed and I jump straight out ready for the day!’

I snorted, unable to breathe from laughter.

‘Hey, how old are you?’ He studied my face.

‘Have a guess.’ I loved playing the age-guessing game. People always got it wrong.

Knight hummed in thought, looking deeper into my face. I started feeling self-conscious and took another sip of my latte, blushing.

‘Seventeen.’ He concluded. WHAT!?

‘I drove here!’

‘Fine.’ Knight looked sheepish. ‘Eighteen, then.’

‘Do I look that young?’

‘Can you just tell me!’

‘Dude, I finished my four-year bachelor course last year.’ Knight looked blank. ‘I’m 22.’

‘Oh!’ he cried, nearly with a relief, ‘me too!’

I didn’t believe him. ‘What! No way!’ The wrinkles around his eyes did not say 22.

‘Here, I’ll show you my license.’ Sure enough, he was.

And also to my amazement, ‘Wow, you’re only 3 weeks older than me. You’re a Pisces too!’ That sure explained our immediate compatibility.

He chuckled, ‘Fish swim together, hey.’ He laid back in his chair smiling like he knew something I didn’t.

Our meals came out. I took a bite. My taste buds threw a party and everyone was invited. Holy crap! The pumpkin risotto was amazing! My workmate said that the chef here was recognized as one of the top chefs in Melbourne (a detail the price reflected). Knight was also enjoying his meal, nodding with approval.

‘What do you want to get out of this trip?’

I paused, my cheek full of pumpkin. I wasn’t sure how to answer him.

‘I just want to go. I want to wing it. I come across as well-travelled when I list all the places I’ve been; New Zealand, USA, Canada, France, London, Hong Kong, Vietnam, China, and places in Australia. But I don’t feel experienced. Each place was pre-planned by someone else and was for no more than 2 weeks at a time. I’ve always had an itinerary, always had the next place to go planned. I never really stopped to smell the roses. It was like I rolled across the world in a glass sphere. Does that make sense?’

‘Absolutely. But what do you want to get out of this trip?’ Knight repeated.

I thought more carefully. This risotto was so good. ‘A sense of freedom, I guess. I’m sick of being told what to do; tired of restrictions and fed up with asking for permission.’

Knight nodded. ‘Freedom. We’re lucky we have it, but sometimes we have to be taught how to use it, hey?’

The truth of his statement rang through me. Gosh. All these years I’ve always perceived myself as ‘free’…

I squinted at him, ‘How did you learn to be so free?’

‘My parents are hippies.’ I raised an eyebrow.

‘Yeah, I’m not a hippy. I’m too stylish for that.’ He touched his skinny tie. ‘Nah, seriously, they are. But because of that I think it pushed me the other way. I wanted more and MORE. It took a lot for me to figure shit out. Still figuring it out, actually. The book Affluenza, started it all. It changed my life. Before then I was trapped running the cafe-‘

‘Is that what you meant by ‘wasted a lot of life’ in your message?’ I interrupted.

He nodded. ‘Yeah. I was never satisfied. I kept thinking once I turn over x dollars per week I’ll be happy. And every week when I did make the turn over, I still didn’t feel happy. So I turned to other things. I won’t be happy until my girlfriend looks like a model- so I took her shopping, bought her a new wardrobe and paid for a hair stylist. She looked great. I won’t be happy until I have a 52 inch plasma TV- so I bought one. I won’t be happy till I get a new car- so I got one. By the end of it I had all this stuff but didn’t feel happy. There was a void. I started asking myself ‘where does it stop?’ Affluenza answered that for me. It’s about the insatiable desire for material things; to possess the things that society associates with our perception of success. That’s exactly how I was. I was a slave to money. The book made me realize that it didn’t matter how much I achieved, I’d never feel whole if I didn’t take a long hard look at myself and at life, and fill in the void via spiritual means. That’s where India came in. I sold my café, made a tidy profit, and shipped myself off to India for 2 months. There I learnt to appreciate what I have NOW, to be present HERE. When you’re present, everything is at your mercy.’ He finished with a wink.

While he was talking, I couldn’t take my eyes off his face. His features were becoming sharper and more attractive. I was noticing the little details that made him unique; his thick brown lashes, his plush bottom lip with a subtle cleft down the middle...I started feeling strange.

I giggled, ‘You hippy.’ What more was behind those green eyes?

I excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I came back, Knight was standing up with his bag slung over his shoulder ready to leave through the back entrance of the café. I guess lunch is over. I grabbed my bag and took out my wallet to pay for my half of lunch.

‘Nah, Deb. The food was crap. Let’s just go.’ He started walking. I was aghast. Was he serious? Pull a runner? No way! Oh my gosh and I was going to travel with him? Maybe I was wrong about him…I bulged my eyes at him and turned to the register with my money out. The guy behind the counter grinned shaking his head.

It dawned. ‘He’s paid already, hasn’t he?’ I jumped around and broke out into a run at Knight. I collided into his arm. ‘You’re cheeky!’ I yelled.

‘You’re so gullible! Your face was priceless!’

‘Well, I don’t know what you’re capable of!’ I made a move to push him again but he reached out and pulled me into a squeeze.

‘I’m really excited about this trip.’ And squeezed again.