When I arrived home I was relieved to see that my parents had already retreated to their bedroom for the night. I had such a lovely time after Yum Cha that I didn’t want them to ruin it just yet.
There was light glowing from the crack of Vivian’s bedroom door. I floated into her room and draped myself over the foot of her bed.
She put her laptop aside, ‘Gee, thanks for bailing. I sure had a shit time dealing with Mum and Dad about your issues.’
I smiled dreamily, ‘Thanks.’ I reached out and stroked her hair. ‘You’re a good sister. I love you.’ I purred. I was suspended in such a wonderful calm.
‘You’re crazy.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Just so you know, it’s not going to be fun tomorrow.’
‘I don’t think I care…’ I had other things on my mind. Like the subtle intensity between me and Knight. The affection. The connection. The comfort. The excitement. I climbed into bed with my little sister with a dopey smile and drifted easily into a deep, dreamless sleep.
…
The next morning I woke to an early text from Knight:
I can’t stop thinking about yesterday. I had a fantastic time with you. I felt there was a moment where something clicked between us. Hope everything is okay with your parents. Good luck J
I smiled and stretched. I felt my chest elate with happiness. So surreal. Vivian stirred next to me. Whoops. I forgot I was with her. I slid out of bed and tip-toed out. When I opened her door I was smacked in the face with the tension in the house. The air’s viscosity was so dense that I had to swim into my bedroom and force the door shut. I could hear my parents going about their morning routine, waiting for me to come out…
I took refuge in my room, trying to make as little sound as possible to make them think I was still sleeping. And then I got hungry. And thirsty. And a little bored. And I needed to pee. Ugh. We humans are so fallible. My phone went off. Another message.
Deb, u r so strong. Stronger than u think. You can do this. I believe in u.
Pcssh. I’m glad someone does. Man, his timing is impeccable. It was like he was always over my shoulder with exactly the right thing to say all the time.
I stepped out tentatively, used the bathroom and made my way to the kitchen. Mum and dad were there at the table finishing off their breakfast. My appetite was gone.
Dad motioned for me to join them. ‘We don’t think the boy’s a conman. He’s honest and we believe his story.’
But…
‘But we’d still rather you don’t travel with him. He is, after all, a young man and we all know what they want.’
Mum piped in, ‘Did you hear what he said at the table? He wants to be there as a ‘friend’. He has no intentions of making you his girlfriend. He just wants to have fun.’
‘We think he’s an opportunist who has found himself a free ride home to Queensland with a beautiful, young girl who he’ll share a LOT of alone time with.’
I remained silent. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Knight said he wanted to protect me, but Mum chose not to acknowledge that.
Dad continued. ‘If you want to travel, travel alone. That way you’ll realize how bad this world is and you’ll come home within two weeks.’
WHAT? Two weeks? That’s how long he thinks I’ll last? How bad this world is? He’s trying to scare me? Does he not think that I’ve stepped out these doors before? He’s trying to convince me that I’m pathetic?! I balled my fists and my gritted teeth:
‘First of all, yes, we are friends. If we stay that way, it’s fine. I’m not looking for romance. I just want to get away and he’s helping me do that. Secondly, NO he’s not getting a free ride. And thirdly, it doesn’t matter in the end if he’s with me or not because I’m not afraid of this world! I’m not a dumb, little, helpless girl! You like to think I am but I’m not! It’s great to know that you have that much confidence that I’ll survive only two weeks without you. Goes to show the credit you give yourselves as parents!’ I breathed heavily as I glared at them through watery eyes. I bit my lip. I was trembling.
‘It’s unrealistic! All of it!’ Dad slammed both hands on the table and shot to his feet. It was rare for him to yell. It was so scary. ‘You’re running away with a stranger you met on the street! You know nothing about him! You’re lonely and you think this is a romantic fantasy! Fantasy does not exist! This is Real Life! If you leave with him… you are a stupid, little girl!’
I couldn’t breathe. The emotions of grief and fury whirled around me. Suffocating me. I didn’t want to, but I did. I cried. I wailed. Just like the stupid, little girl Dad thought me to be. I ran to my room and cried. I cried and I cried. I was too engrossed in my tears to hear my parents arguing.
I was still trying to calm myself down when there was a soft knock on the door. Mum let herself in and pulled me into her arms. I let her. I could never reject Mum’s rare hugs.
‘Debra, it hurts me to see you like this. I didn’t think your father would get so mad. I’m sorry. We just want you to be safe.’ She pulled me in closer and held me for a while longer. She continued, ‘Please understand we need you here. You’re the glue of the family. If you weren’t here for us, how would we communicate? You’ve seen how we function. We can’t do it without you…’ I didn’t want to fight anymore. She was trying to make me feel important…but it felt so insignificant. I shuddered deeper into her shoulder. She sighed. ‘Go.’ My puffy-eyes flew open. ‘I’m not happy about it, but if it will make you happy, go. Come back when you run out of money. Just make sure you stay safe and call home every day. This is your home no matter what, okay?’ …What? I nodded weakly against her shoulder drenched with my tears.
Dad didn’t talk to me much after that. He communicated with me via series of grunts and scribbled notes left on my bed. He was trying to protect me, I understood that. But his efforts were inducing the opposite effect. He didn’t realize that he was dealing with a wet bar of soap. The tighter he squeezed, the more likely I was to slip out of his grip.
