I didn’t tell Knight what happened. He asked but I sidestepped it. I didn’t want him to worry. He’d done enough for me and it was my battle to fight now. I made up my mind and that was all he needed to know.
‘Oh, I forgot to tell you, I’ve finally heard from the NGO in Thailand.’ Knight and I were spread out on the grassy slant in the Royal Botanical Gardens. I loved these gardens. So immaculately maintained without being excessively manicured. I was on my back with my hands behind my head and Knight was positioned perpendicular to me, using my stomach as a pillow.
‘Ah yeah, what did they say?’
‘They said they want me there around January. But before that I want to travel around Asia for a month.’
‘What are you doing there exactly?’ I realized, after all this time, I still had no idea what he was going to do over there. I’d been so caught up with this whole running away business.
‘I haven’t told you? I think I’m heading over there to help develop a micro-business so that the organization is more sustainable and doesn’t have to rely so much on donations.’
‘Wow. What does the organization do?’
‘This one’s doing rural development. Going out in the poor villages and setting up wells and stuff. But I want to see if I can help them tackle it from a business point of view…get the villagers working in micro-businesses to generate more money for themselves…something like that.’
‘That sounds intense.’ I found myself frowning, trying to comprehend Knight’s ambition.
‘Mmm, it is. I feel like I need to do something. I feel like I’ve got to do this. I could be just over there to paint fences. I don’t know. Just something.’ I wanted to ask more…but wasn’t sure what to ask. I didn’t know enough about third-world devastation, NGOs, or the inner-workings of this curious man’s mind to phrase the appropriate questions. Gosh, where did he get all this…sense of duty? January…I bit my bottom lip calculating the months I had left with him.
‘So you’ll be in Oz for only 3 more months?’ That’s not long at all. I felt my heart sink.
‘Don’t worry, we’ll be spending all of it together.’ He reached out for my hand. He kissed my fingers and held them to his chest. I stroked his hair with my other hand. ‘Ever feel like we’re in a movie? A movie that has already been scripted and plotted but neither of us have rehearsed or even seen the screenplay?’
‘That’s how screenplays and scripts are written, aren’t they? They’re inspired by real life.’
‘Mmm,’ Knight agreed, ‘True. I wonder what will happen in our movie.’ He sat up and repositioned himself next to me, propped up on his elbow. ‘We might get lost, meet some weirdos…maybe fall in love…’ He held his gaze. Did he really just suggest the ‘L’ word? I looked away. I felt like I was jumping again into romance too soon. The last guy I dated was out of desperation; I was needy for company and hoped for ‘love’ to transpire. Are my parents right? Was I doing the same thing?
‘Deb, how would you feel if you gave in to your parents and stayed?’
I sighed and looked up at the clouds. ‘Like crap.’ I sighed again. ‘If I stayed all this effort would’ve gone to waste.’
He re-phrased his question. ‘Take away your parents, take away me, take away everything. If you didn’t go, how would you feel?’
I closed my eyes. How would I feel? ‘I’d feel like I missed an opportunity. I’ve been so discontent with how things are and if I don’t seize the moment now, I’ll feel the door will have closed and I might not have the courage again to fight my way out. Especially on my own.’ Knight hummed in agreement. He rolled on to his back and imitated my position with his hands behind his head.
‘Knight?’
‘Mmmm?’
‘I don’t have any camping gear. Let’s go shopping’.
